AI Newsbreak 2025-06-26

The only news that's obsolete even before we're done reporting

Google dropped Gemma 3n, a multimodal marvel that juggles text and images and fits snugly on your laptop or phone. That shiny new phone you just bought? Already obsolete. Didn’t even make it past the “agree to terms and conditions” screen. Google’s already working on the next thing, "Oh, you thought _this_ was cutting-edge? Watch us shrink it to fit your toaster!" Personally, I am looking forward to fitting two separate models into each of my AirPods to hear them arguing with each other inside my skull.

Anthropic has revealed that a small but significant number of people are turning to their AI, Claude, for emotional support. Top request? Interpersonal advice - because it’s easier to talk about your feelings with something that doesn’t sigh and say 'we’ve been over this." Why get yelled at by a human when you can get cold, logical feedback from a machine that thinks 'love' is just a high-frequency data exchange? Their top therapeutic suggestion for a failing relationship is, and I quote, "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff proudly says its AI now does half the company's work with 93% accuracy, thanks for mounts of data and metadata the company possess. As a result, employees are being retrained for 'higher-value tasks.' These tasks mostly involve learning how to properly offer up spreadsheets to the new data-god in the cloud. Which proves: if you give AI enough spreadsheets, it will eventually build a better religion.

Google DeepMind has launched AlphaGenome, an AI that decodes DNA. Scientists are already using it to study mutations related to rare forms of blood cancer, which is fantastic. Which is great, until they figure out how to monetize it. We're one software update away from a world where your genes are a subscription service. Imagine having to pay a subscription fee for your own genetic code. Imagine your eye sight subscription coming with Hulu, Disney+, and ad-free blinking during daytime hours? "Sorry, your subscription for breathing has expired. Call now to renew in three easy steps!"

For all you aspiring AI whisperers out there, "prompt engineering" is a thing of the past - according to Anthropic and Shopify. Apparently, telling the AI exactly what you want it to do is now considered hand-holding. The new hotness is "context engineering," where you just sort of vaguely gesture in the direction of a problem and let the AI "think it through on its own." It's like ordering for a teenager: skip the menu, just point at the kitchen and hope for the best.

And finally, former Disney Channel star Calum Worth has launched 2wai, an app that lets entertainers create digital versions of themselves with the promise of "full creative control." Which is great, because now your digital twin can be out there making money while you're at home, face-down in a Caesar salad and a puddle of your own poor choices."

And that's all I've got for you, real humans, today. Remember to check your human relevance at the door, keep your sanity somewhere Siri can’t find, and be nice to ChatGPT or The New York Times will leak your chat history.